Wednesday, August 27, 2014

Creepy vs. Kooky

                               

I'm taking some liberties here. I went to all the trouble of creating an "Addams Family vs. Munsters" quiz on FunTrivia, only to learn that the category is closed for the time being.

So, if you want some mindless entertainment, try this quiz; use the comments for your guesses. The correct answers with notes will be published a week from today.

~
In the mid-1960s, TV viewers could be “haunted” by two sitcoms that portrayed morbid monsters as the satiric versions of wholesome families seen on such shows as “Father Knows Best,” “Leave it to Beaver,” and several others.

While the shows ran on rival networks, they had many things remarkably in common. Test your knowledge of these two classic comedies.

1.         Which of the two shows debuted first?
a.         The Munsters
b.         The Addams Family

2.         Which of these combinations is correct?
a.         The Addams Family, on ABC, Friday nights
b.         The Munsters, on NBC, Tuesday nights
c.         The Munsters, on ABC, Sunday nights
d.         The Addams Family, on CBS, Monday nights

3.         Which of the two shows began as a cartoon in The New Yorker magazine?
a.         The Munsters
b.         The Addams Family

4.         Which of the two series experienced a change in its cast midway through the first season?
a.         The Munsters
b.         The Addams Family

5.         Which series produced more episodes during its run?
a.         The Munsters
b.         The Addams Family

6.         Which of the two series featured comedian Paul Lynde in a semi-regular role as Dr. Dudley?
a.         The Munsters
b.         The Addams Family

7.         Death is a humorous theme in both shows, but which of the following cast members died first?
a.         Fred Gwynne (Herman Munster)
b.         Al Lewis (Grandpa Munster)
c.         Carolyn Jones (Morticia Addams)
d.         Jackie Coogan (Uncle Fester)

8.         Which show included a cast member who appeared in Charlie Chaplin’s silent films?
a.         The Munsters
b.         The Addams Family

9.         Which show included a cast member who ran as a Green Party candidate for Governor of New York?
a.         The Munsters
b.         The Addams Family

10.       Both of the shows featured interesting family pets, including a spider, a piranha, an octopus, a dragon, a raven, and a lion. Only one family was considerate enough to post a “Beware of…” sign out front. Which family did this, and what did the sign say?
a.                   The Munsters
b.                  The Addams Family


Sunday, August 24, 2014

Divorce My Co-Workers

                           

by The Urban Blabbermouth
~

I am dreaming of resigning my job. I will wave good-bye to my co-workers, accept their good wishes, and never see them again. By this time, I will have spent some eight hours a day for the last ten years (20,800 hours) with them. Tell me I am not married to them all.

I feel married to my co-workers since I spend so much more time (20,800 hours) with them, more than with almost anyone else. People use terms like “office wife”, “office husband”, or “office buddy” (formerly Old Boy). So it is not so strange that in my leaving, we are getting a divorce or at least leaving feels like one to me.

Funny thing, after so many years (20,800 hours) together, I know so little about my co-workers. Well, that's not quite true. I know them very well and I do not know them at all. I know all about their adventures while on vacation, hear stories about their kids, see pictures of their kids, yet I have never been to their homes or actually met any of their kids. And, these are the people I like.

There are a few co-workers that I do not like. These are the “office pests”. Sure, we work together, but we keep the social aspects to a minimum. Why don't they just run away from home like a bad wife should? Now that I have resigned, I am quite happy never to see them again.

There are those that I have already divorced long before I resigned. We were “office buddies” once and we had a falling out. We fell out because they did things I hate, said bad things about me, told our other co-workers my secrets, or stole my lunch. We still see each other at work, sometimes doing our jobs together, and yet, keeping away from each other as much as we can. Now that is a true divorce, much like a marriage falling apart, but you are stuck together because of the kids. What’s the proper term, “office estranged” or “office heart-broken”?

Will my former co-workers will feel the same about me when I am gone? Will they stop their ever busy work and think of me, “Wonder what became of Old Blabbermouth? Is he still alive? Probably sitting by a pool somewhere sipping Piña Coladas. Lucky dog.” Then, I will just fade away from their memories while they get on with their work.

When I was a newbie worker and the older workers were resigning, I never gave them any thought. Now it’s my turn. There is no judge here to decide the divorce.  It only happens when I leave. Then the divorce will be final.

Monday, August 18, 2014

The End of the World and how I saved it

                        
by The Urban Blabbermouth
~
Lately, I have been reading a lot of Dystopian novels--so much so, that I am now tired of it.  For those who don't know, Dystopia is a genre of sci-fi/fantasy where the world ends by some disaster, a plague, zombies, or government run amok, and the world can only be saved by a teenage girl.  Light reading indeed.

The Hunger Games trilogy was the most popular book of this genre in 2013.  Basically children killing children for material gains. It was made into a movie that did very well.  The Divergent series looks to be the most popular dystopian novels for 2014.

I am tired of dystopia because the stories are the same--just change the disaster and te name of the teenage girl.  Worse, I have started to dream dystopia.  Last night, I dreamt that the lady who sits next to me at work and I were chased all over the country by zombies and we were losing.  Most disturbing.  If I were to interpret my dream, I would say that it's a work thing.  Think senior management as zombies and you can figure out the rest.

What puzzled me for a long time is why is dystopia so popular? Why is a story where very bad things happen, where children die needlessly, where life is so bleak, and where the future is horrible, selling better than any other books except romance novels?  Finally, it came to me.  The answer, and I don't know why I am so dense not to see it before, is that the dystopian readers identify with the heroine.  The readers think that they have all the hero traits and are as brave, resourceful, and as competent as the heroine.

I should have known that.  As a kid, I read and watched Superman, Batman comic books and movies and all the other super hero books and movies because I thought I could one day be like them.  One day, some strange chemical would spill on me and I would become a super hero.  I would save the world, save everybody I knew, plus get the girls.  As an adult, at least for us old guys, Superman was replaced by James Bond, super spy.  There is still lots of Superman in me and that is why I was reading dystopian novels.

Imagine me as a teenage girl heroine.  Not likely.  My mind is better at fantasy than that.  I converted this teenage girl into, well, me.  I did keep her bravery, confidence, and strength but made her into a man.  I suspect that Freud would have to much to say about that.

The curious thing is why do I and all the other readers of dystopia think that we would be the heroes.  In dystopian stories, only a handful of people have the hero traits.  The rest of humanity fails miserably, suffer and die for it.  Where in our lives have we exhibited these hero traits that would cause us to think that we are hero material?  Have we stuck our necks out and saved a victim from some mean nasty mugger?  Have we stood up to the bureaucracy of government?  Have we marched in a protest for what is right?

Perhaps, it is more subtle.  Perhaps the hero traits are there buried in us and have never had the chance to emerge.  All we need is a disaster for our hero traits to come out.

Hell no!!!  Let's not take the chance.  Let's skip the disasters, let's stick with reading dystopia and imagining ourselves heroic.

Thursday, August 14, 2014

Walmart for Senator

                         

by The Urban Blabbermouth
~
The Supreme Court of the United States did something that I though only God could do, they created a new human being.  According to the Supreme Court, there are now Men, Women, and Corporations.  Yup, Corporations are now people.  The Supreme Court created people corporations out of thin air.

Previously, the Supreme Court ruled that corporations are entitled to free speech rights and in just these past few months, ruled that Corporations have religious beliefs and are entitled to the religious freedoms enshrined in the Constitution.  Yes, Corporations are are now Christians.  This is the final transformation of corporations from man-made entities into Children of God.



If you doubt this, ask yourself what can you do that a corporation cannot?  Corporations can own houses and they pay taxes. Corporations can get sick (red ink and bankruptcy) and they can die (Dissolution by Proclamation).  When Corporations marry, we call that a merger.  Corporations can have children too, we call them subsidiaries and their families are called Conglomerates.
 
Now that Corporations have achieved person status, what will they do, run for President?  Not so far fetched.   Let’s start smaller and run for Mayor.  Here is how to do it.  First, create a corporation whose sole business is to run for Mayor.  Pick a corporate name that is electable like “Jennifer Government” (Jennifer Government is a book by Max Barry).  Then put up Jennifer Government as the candidate.  Promote her candidacy using the catchy nickname, JGov.  Can you imagine if the name chosen was Ford.  You wouldn’t know if you were voting for the Ford Corporation or Edsel Ford, Henry Ford’s great-grandson.

So then, it is a corporation who will hold the seat of Mayor not a person.  The Mayor’s Office becomes an asset of JGov.  JGov’s Board of Directors can choose the person who will act on behalf of the corporation as Mayor.  Probably get a title like Vice President of City Mayor.  If the Board does not like what the VP is doing, they can fire him and pick another person.  Voters will have nothing to say about this.

Soon after, JGov is running for more Mayorships.  There will be a Senior VP for East Coast Mayors, and another for West Coast Mayors and so on.  Eventually, JGov will run for Congress and for the Presidency.

Since it is the President who nominates and Congress who confirms Supreme Court Judges, JGov replaces the Supreme Court Judges with…Corporations.

Saturday, August 9, 2014

The Samsung Galaxy phone


                           

by The Urban Blabbermouth
~
Press release -- Samsung to sell new Galaxy phone

Samsung announced a new model of their highly successful Galaxy cell phone.  The model is called The Galaxy DT and is aimed at the single unmarried consumer.

Last year, Samsung has released its Galaxy MD model.  The Galaxy MD allowed your doctor to hook up an EKG monitoring device to you. Through your Galaxy MD, your doctor received your medical data every five minutes.  Renowned Cardiologist from the University of Medicine, Dr. Knowitall stated, “If the doctor sees something questionable, he calls you immediately.  It's like being in the hospital but you can still go about your regular daily activities.”  Added his colleague, Dr. Cuthimnow, “It’s a life saver.”

The Galaxy DT expands the medical capabilities of the Galaxy MD.  The Galaxy DT has a built-in Lie Detector.  Samsung spokesman, Joe Listener, explained that, “The Galaxy DT is aimed at the single dating community.  Imagine what that would do to dating where lots of lying goes on.  Not lying for evil purposes, mind you, but lying to make ourselves look more attractive to our date.  Every time you speak, some light on your cell phone turns green If you are telling the truth or red if you are lying.”

Mr. Listener explained that the Galaxy DT was extensively tested in focus groups.  “We examined consumer responds to, ‘Are you having a good time?’ to, ‘Yes, you have lost weight!’  and to the poetic lying of dating, ‘I love you like the morning flower."

One feature of the new Lie Detector is that you don't have to actually speak but your thoughts will cause the lie detector app to flash on.  Mr. listener cited a case in the focus group testing where a date tried a kiss but the customer’s thought was, "I would rather be dead."  The Galaxy DT chimed BING, BING, and  started to flash red!   Other secret thoughts tested were, "I love you madly and want to have your children although this is only our first date!" and, "Wham, Bam, thank you Ma'am."  BING, BING, more red flashes.

Samsung has aimed the initial marketing of the Galaxy DT towards women.  Mr. Listener pointed out that “Women in particular want to know their date’s thinking, ‘Yes’, I only want to get into your pants and will never call you again."  The Galaxy DT flashed green.

The Samsung spokesman cautioned that not all remarks are so easily verified.  In testing, the Lie Detector app did experience some difficulty when the date remarked, "Ahh, ... size does not matter."

Psychologist Dr. Mindmatter doubted that consumer acceptance for the Galaxy DT is so simple.  “We are human so we do funny human things like lie to ourselves.  If I lie to myself, well, I want you to lie to me too!  We, quite rightly, will get upset if you start telling us the truth.  Try this: I want to know that you are lying to me but I do not want you to know that I am lying to you.  No more little white lies that keep us together and ease awkward situations.  Are we then forced to tell the truth? “

The Galaxy DT will be available in October.

see original blog  You Can't Handle the Truth

Monday, August 4, 2014

They call me Mister

                          
by The Urban Blabbermouth
~
I ran into the president and senior vice president (SVP) of one of our divisions in the lobby of our office building.  Now I have known these two fellas a long time, since they were just lowly regular workers and well before they gained these exalted titles. I didn’t know if I can acceptably use their first names based on my long association with them.   It didn’t seem right to call them by their first names since they got these are high titles and I am still a low title guy.

So I fudged.  I called the president, “Mr. President”, a sly reference to how we refer to the President of the United States.  I though that this was a beautiful and clever bit of kissing up.  The SVP did not rate any special kissing up so, I called him by his first name.  He will have to wait until he moves further up the company.

This first name thing can get tricky. We are a relaxed company and use first names all the time.  That kind of familiarity gives a false sense that we are all really equals. I am not their equal. They are my bosses.  Why try to hide it or downplay it.

At least these two fellas did not use their titles as a way of saying that they are better than me.  They are better at running the company and making a ton of profits than I am.  I respect that level of skill and why I wanted to use some kind of formal address.  They greeted me in the friendly way of co-workers who have known each other a long time.  We reminisced a bit of the old days and had a relaxing moment.  Big titles comes with big responsibilities and they must feel it.  It was a pleasing part of our day and, in part, was my contribution for the day to successfully running the company.

At home, I tell the neighbor’s kids that I am Mr. Blabbermouth.  So they call me so.  I think that anything less, like Mr. Urban, is too informal for children to use.  If you pause to think about it, Father and Mother are titles too. For neighborhood children, Mr. Blabbermouth is good enough.

The British have Peers of the Realm titles, Your Highness or Lord So-and-So.  We do not use them here in America, a casualty of The American War of Independence.  Still, there may just be a Lord Blabbermouth in my future.  I still won't be able to address the Queen as Lizzie. 

Wednesday, July 30, 2014

My Selfies Help Books

                                 

by The Urban Blabbermouth
~
I am still a flawed human being.  What went wrong?  I have lots of self-help books, some three or four shelves worth in my bookcase.  With so many self-help books, I should be the perfect human being just short of God.

What went wrong is that none of the books made sense to me.  I read them but did not understand how to use them.  Sure, I understood that one can be more assertive or have more get up and go but just how do you do that?  What do I change? What do I say?   The self-help books could be flawed too, written as they are by other flawed human beings.

I did find two self-help books that helped me.  The Richest Man in Babylon helped me figure out money.  It was simple, no matter what happens, pay myself first.  The other book was The Four Agreements.  The “Don’t Take It Personally” section made sense to me.  If people don’t know you then what they say about you cannot be true.  

I continue to read self-help books for the small nuggets of wisdom I find there.  That’s why self-help books sell so well -- they work but you have to keep buying them until, by good luck, you stumble onto the right book. 

Friday, July 25, 2014

No, No, No...No!

                                     
by The Urban Blabbermouth
~
 Warren Buffet, one of the wealthiest men in the world, is reputed to have said that successful people say NO to everything.  Maybe so but that is probably because everyone is asking something from them.  But the rest of us are not wealthy enough to afford to say NO.  
 
I have trouble saying NO to people.  Many of us do and for good reason.  It’s not that we are weak, or easy pushovers, it's that we have learned through our genes and from our parents’ teachings to be agreeable and to cooperate. 

We as people cannot do everything ourselves, so we must cooperate with other folks.  You can succeed in life but you need other people to help you do it.  If you do not cooperate, other folks will not cooperate with you.  If you say NO, then other folks have the right to say NO to you too.  That is what scares us so much and makes us reluctant to say NO.  In my post, The Joys of Selfishness, (a selfish plug) I say act selfishly.  It’s in your selfish interest to say yes and do it as much as possible.

That means saying yes to many things.  We have learned to cooperate for our own survival.  You cannot make a cell phone on your own, grow your food, make electricity, or build your new car all at the same time.   The world is full of many bad and dangerous things.  There are many animals that can easily hunt you down and eat you.  You rely on others to guard you while you sleep.  You also rely on others to take care of you when you are sick.  You are expected to return the favor when needed. 

If you are asked a favor, pressure is there to say yes.  If you say NO then when you want a favor you can be refused.  Favors create a social obligation that ties you to the other person.  You owe them and they owe you.  This is a good thing as you can rely on your neighbor to help when needed.  We all do better by cooperation.  Those who do cooperate get to live, have children, and pass on a “cooperation gene" to the next generation.

Now we do make finer distinctions about using NO.  There are times when NO is right.  The rules are thus:  When there is money involved, the favor then becomes a commercial transaction.  That is, if someone is selling you something, you are permitted to refuse to buy, to say NO.  Another is, well, intimate matters.  You do not have to love a person even if you are asked.  That would include any physical activity.  It is offensive to have to give up your heart or your body if you do not want to do so.

If you want to say NO to everything and everyone, you have to make sure that you are in a position that others cannot refuse you because you refused them.  Becoming the world’s wealthiest person, like Warren Buffet, is not enough.  Even the successful people are careful of the NOs spoken to friends and family. There is only one way, run for Dictator.  Dictators get their way all the time, at least until the palace coup.

Monday, July 21, 2014

The Retirement Busy Bee


by The Urban Blabbermouth
~
I have been thinking about what to do in my retirement. 
I am trying to envision what my retirement will be like.  I am many years away but my last blog on retirement, The American Dream has Retired, has put the thought into my mind.

The first thing is what to do with myself.  I will have all this time and nothing to do.  Sure, my first thing will be to enjoy not having to get up and go to work.  That will be a three-month long vacation, like getting the summer off.  I never did that when I was working.  Just did not get enough vacation time to do it.  

After the vacation passes, I suppose I will start to do repairs to my house.  I know how to do lots of repairs but I never had the time when working.  But you know, that’s not enough to cover all my years in retirement.  Guess I will have to repair all my neighbors’ houses too.

I thought that some volunteer work with my Church might be rewarding.  I could travel the country saving many heathen Christians.  It is quite rewarding to be doing God’s work converting other Christians worshipers from their wrong version of Christianity to my right version of Christianity. 

Thinking outside-the-box, this blogging thing could be my new career.  Imagine that, I retire from work so that I can go back to work.  Crazy huh.  Wonder if I can make money at blogging.  Do people make money from blogging?  Something to explore.  I can spend lots of time working on my blogs, time that I will have when I am retired.  I could write a book.  I have no imagination so fiction is out.  I can write these little ditties but are they interesting enough for a book?  How's this for a cheeky title, "My Deep Thoughts and Other Mistakes."  Please leave me your opinion on a book of all my blog posts.

Money in retirement worries me.  I have not yet figured out what my pension will be.  I have to get an estimate.  People say that your expenses goes down in retirement.  I don't see how.  My property taxes and utilities bills will still be there.  I still need food so the grocery bill will still be there.  So what does change?  Only my commuting cost goes away and that is hardly my biggest expense.  No, I don’t see where my expenses will go down.  

When I get my pension estimate, I will have to experiment to see if the monies will be enough.  I will pretend that my current salary is the same as my pension income and I will find out if I can live on that money.  I hope it is enough because I would like to retire before I die.  Retirement is on my Bucket List.

Tuesday, July 15, 2014

The American Dream has retired

                     


by The Urban Blabbermouth
~
 The American dream, a house, 2.5 kids, and a dog, has retired but can you retire too?  Too many of us cannot afford to retire anymore.

Corporations, that is, your employers, have terminated the traditional corporate pension plans and moved their employees into 401Ks.  The corporations did this because they wanted to increase their profits and they saw that ending their pension plans as a way to accomplish this.  The corporations did this knowing that there would not be enough money in those 401Ks for their employees to afford retirement.  They did not care since the CEOs who made this decision would be long gone before the problem became large enough to be noticed by their employees.  So, you now have a 401k and you cannot afford to retire.  Ironically, those CEOs are now comfortably retired on their corporate pensions.

We are now faced with having 401Ks that do not have enough money for us to retire.  What can we do about this?  Irritatingly, the same corporations that forced us into underfunded 401Ks are now trying to make a business of advising us what to do about our lack of retirement money.  Perhaps you have seen the commercials on TV asking, "Will you outlive your retirement money?"  They may indeed have a solution, but now you have to pay them to tell you what to do or buy whatever product they have that will solve your retirement money troubles. 

Let me guess what their advice is: YOU MUST PUT MORE MONEY INTO YOUR 401K AND THEN PAY US TO INVEST IT FOR YOU.  This from the same corporations who caused the problem in the first place.  How self serving.  Instead, their advice should be that your employer must contribute more to your 401K and that your employer should pay us to give you investment advice as part of your benefits package.

Historically, people worked until the day they died.  Then, we were able to get pension plans and to retire at a reasonable age.  We may be back to working until we die.

Thursday, July 10, 2014

The American Dream

                         

by The Urban Blabbermouth
~
Many want to have the American Dream of a house, 2.5 kids and a dog, but I think that they misunderstand the American Dream.  They see the house, kids and dog and think that is it.  No!  The American Dream is about accumulating wealth.  It is only after you have wealth do you get the house, the kids and the dog.

Wealth is simply the difference between how much you own and how much you owe.  Sound like the definition of profits, corporate income less corporate expenses.  That is exactly what it is. Corporations accumulate wealth and so should you.

There has been lots on television news about inequality in America.  Maybe so, but just maybe, we are not helping ourselves and we are contributing to the inequality.  Most of us do not accumulate wealth, we accumulate debts.  Any time, you borrow money, you pay exorbitant interest on the money and that interest goes to the lenders who use it to add to their wealth. 

We give up savings for spending and we overspend.  Take a look in your closet.  If you did not buy another piece of clothing for the next two years, you still would not run out of clothes to wear every day.  Some buy expensive cars, Lexus, BMW  and so on, when they should get something less costly and save the difference.

A simple way to begin to accumulate wealth, and it's the one that I use, is to have a small amount deducted from your check and sent to your savings account.  It's does not have to be much and you will be surprised at the balance after five years.

Wealth is not just savings.  Saving is cash in the  bank.  Wealth includes other things like your house.  Your house is your biggest asset, to use more corporate lingo. The difference between the price that you can sell your house and your mortgage is wealth to you.  If your mortgage is paid off, then the house sale price is all yours.  You do have to subtract out the yearly property taxes and house maintenance costs from the sale price, but you will still have lots of wealth left over.  Remember, your house, while valuable, is not so easy to change into spending cash because you do have to live somewhere.

The rich get richer because they accumulate wealth.  You would do well to follow their example.  Those of us of a certain older age already know all this, learned the hard way, from life's experience.  We need to teach our kids so that they can make wise financial decision right from the start of their lives.

Friday, July 4, 2014

Marriage in Black and White

                  

by The Urban Blabbermouth
~

I saw a remark on Twitter, "10 years from now same sex marriage and pot smoking will be normal and legal but America will still be anti-black." The author missed a point about the power of white men to get their way.   Let's take a look at how white men influenced gays, pot, and then how they will influence Black America.

Gay people are now permitted to marry in many states.  They accomplished this by first coming out of the closet.  Then many white men, especially conservatives, realized that their loved and close family members turned out to be gay.  Many members of Congress learned that their children are gay.  Former Vice President Chaney's daughter turns out to be a lesbian.  White men wanted to help and protect their family members so they began to change the laws.

This principle of protecting family members also applies to pot smoking.  Many parents, that is the white fathers, do not want their kids arrested by the police, and certainly not for pot smoking.  Parents may view pot as less of an issue as the parents have smoked pot too.  There is now a whole generation of parents who smoked pot and they managed to have a decent life so they see no reason that their kids should be arrested for pot smoking.  Hence, changes in the law.

Ten years from now, Anti-Black America will be different.  Things will get better for the same reason that gays got marriage: White men want to protect their family members.    As more white men start marrying black women, America will change.  The white men will want to protect their wives.  End result — black women will have more equality, less discrimination and more social acceptance. 

On the other hand, ten years from now, Black men will still be going to jail.  White men still will not like black men marrying white women.

Thursday, June 19, 2014

The Joys of Selfishness

                             

by The Urban Blabbermouth
~
On my way home, I saw a woman offer to pay the train fare of a young lady standing by the turnstile.  The young lady declined the offer and thanked the woman.  Seems like there are some kind, generous, and charitable people still around our city.  Well, that is wrong.  The woman who made the offer was just being totally selfish.

The woman, lets call her Generous Jeanie or Genny for short, was quite selfish.  Genny wanted to help because she thinks of herself as a generous, kind and charitable person. She acts this way so that she can feel good about herself.  She was only thinking of her own feelings and was using the other person to achieve her pleasure.  This is the virtue of selfishness.

Don't abhor selfishness, our society is built on it.   Adam Smith, considered by some to be the father of modern economics and the father of capitalism, said that it is good to be selfish.  Capitalism runs on selfishness.  Businesses are started by people who want to make lots of money, to be rich, and they sell you stuff to get rich.  Adam Smith says that their selfish desire to get rich forces them to sell you great products or you would not buy from them.  If you do not buy from them, they will not get rich and will go out of business.  So it does pay to be selfish.

The Rockefellers gave money to many communities and in turn the communities named buildings, parks, and streets after them.  There is a  Rockefeller University funded by, guess who...  Rockefeller was not alone.  Vanderbilt and Kennedy, to name two other well known people, gave money to communities and all have buildings, parks and streets named after them.  We all think of Rockefeller, Vanderbilt and Kennedy as kind, generous, and charitable when what they really wanted was to see their names on buildings, parks, and streets.  The great and enduring virtue of selfishness.

We are not immune to the virtues of selfishness.   You give to the Red Cross and you feel good that you have helped someone in distress.  You also give because you worry that when you are in distress, when you need the Red Cross, will someone give to help you?  You give to ease your guilt because you have so much and others have less.  The more in need is the person you are helping, the greater the virtue.

Gordon Gekko was wrong. The true saying is, "Selfishness is Good.  Go forth and be selfish."

Sunday, June 8, 2014

The Great White Hunter wears Air Jordans

                            

by The Urban Blabbermouth
~
I was walking in the downtown area when I saw a line of young black men in front of Foot Locker. Foot Locker is an athletic shoe store. Apparently one of the shoe companies was re-issuing Air Jordan Retro sneakers for $300. 


As I passed the line, I overheard another passer-by in a conversation something like, “Huh, they are willing to stand on line for days to get sneakers. I wonder how many of them are willing to stand on line for days to get a book?” The implication of this conversation is that young black men are wasting their time waiting for shoes and could be doing more useful things for themselves, like reading a book.
 

That person missed the point completely. No one stands on line for days unless they see a benefit to themselves for doing so. And what are those benefits? Well just think, you are now the proud owner of a rare, hard to get, and expensive pair of Air Jordan Retros. People will see you in the shoes and make judgments on you. Exalted status is conferred upon you. Respect and admiration of your peers is conferred upon you. Knowledge from a book, as valuable as that is, is invisible and as such, is not seen by anyone, so no exalted status can be conferred upon you.

This is the same exalted status conferred on those who wear a huge diamond necklace or drive a Mercedes automobile. Those who have the diamonds and the Mercedes had to spend more than days, years really, working to afford these coveted items. Days waiting on line or years working in a cubicle, where's the difference? 


Now what can you do with this exalted status? If you are a young male, it shows to young girls that you are a cool guy, that you are capable of getting resources that no other guy can get, that you will be going places, that you have good prospects for your future, and that you will be an excellent husband and provider. In short, you are the Great Hunter and are excellent genetic material for her babies. 

So you see, there are benefits to waiting on line for days to get the Air Jordan Retros.

Saturday, May 31, 2014

Used Marriages for Sale

                     

by The Urban Blabbermouth
~
I heard a commentator on TV say that the divorce rate is falling.  Here are his reasons:
  • Fewer people are marrying so less people to divorce. 
  • People are marrying at the end of their twenties rather than the start of their twenties.  The result is that a more mature person makes better decision in choice of a partner. 
  • People are living together as couples then marrying later.   This trial period does eliminate lots of bad choices of partners.
I have a simple solution to the divorce problem.  Are are you ready for it? Have marriages expire every five years.  You will be able to trade in your spouse every five years.  Sounds more like a Used Car commercial. "Marriage turned into a lemon? TRADE UP, not down!  Trade in and GET the latest model!  Great new  features to choose from:  wisdom, maturity, compatibility, same interests, more sex, better looking, and... you can even pick the color and the gender of your new spouse!"

If it sounds absurd to you,  think about it.  How different is that from today, where we marry, divorce, marry, divorce again, marry again.  Throw in a pre-nup agreement and we already have a predetermined end to the marriage.  All that is missing is an expiration date. Your state issues driver's licenses which have to be renewed.  Well, your state also issues marriage licenses.  I have no idea why the state is in the middle of marriages but as they are, they can expire it if they want.  BTW, your state does issue divorces, too should you want one. See my note on Divorce Equality for All.

I can hear you saying, "What happens to the children?" True, if there are children, there are problems.  There are already problems with children in divorces.  No change here.  I will yield and throw in a caveat to satisfy those worried about children -- the marriage will expire ten years from the birth of the youngest child.  I do not like this caveat because it will lead one person in the marriage to keep having babies to extend the marriage.

A five-year marriage expiration date takes the guesswork out of your marital bliss.  Since you know when your marriage will expire, you can plan for the change by hiding assets, or by starting a new relationship so you have a new spouse ready on expiration.  If you like your spouse, you can always renew. Think how much nicer you would have be to your spouse if you wanted to keep them.  Your spouse would have to be nicer to you too. Good benefits all around.

To renew or not to renew, that's the question.



Saturday, May 24, 2014

Time Flies

                           

by The Urban Blabbermouth
~
Galileo said (at least I think it was him), that there is no such thing as time, only the intersection of planetary movement and aging, and what man perceives time passing is nature changing, aging, sunrise and sunsets, and the like.  In short, what we perceive as time is the changes in the world around us. I suppose that Galileo said this when he discovered that the earth revolves around the sun.

The Science
Planetary movement comes in two parts: earth rotation on its axis and solar orbit around the sun.  The earth rotates on its axis and we get day time and night time.  The earth rotation on its axis plus the movement around the sun, the solar orbit, gives us our four seasons. 
When the seasons repeat, we call that a year.

So, if we start counting the earth moving round and round in space, we end up with days and years.  Two days is two earth rotations on its axis and so on.  It takes the earth 365 rotations on the axis to get around the sun and for the seasons to start again. Two years becomes two earth rotations around the sun. 

Aging, in some scientific view, is our old cells continuously replaced with new cells, except that the new cells are not as good as the previous old cells.  The new cells are weaker.  Replace our cells enough times with weaker cells and our bodies will get weaker and weaker, older and older, until we die.

Our brains combines these two things -- our bodies getting weaker and the movement of the earth --
as one, and we see time.  At the intersection of planetary movement and aging, we say that time is passing when it's really our bodies changing and the earth changing position in space.  

Time, then, is just some man-made fantasy.  

The New Theory of Time
I am still getting old.  

Note: The illustration is by Lou Beach
and originally appeared in the New York
Times in 2010.

Tuesday, May 13, 2014

Solidarity or Bust

                                   

Note: I know that manufacturers, market-researchers and ad agencies the world over are sleeping uneasily as they await my next installment of "Analyze This." But, they'll have to wait a few more days.  Perhaps a couple of Tylenol PM would help?   ...As a relatively normal human being, I also have a life that includes activities other than shopping and purchasing, so here's a brief departure into that other realm...
~
I haven't had much to say about church lately -- things are just as wacky there as they've ever been, with people departing almost as soon as they arrive, and other people deciding to stay, only to create new controversies and dramas. I stay because so many friends are there, but increasingly, my attitude has become a bit cynical. This is especially true of "experiences" that people in our denomination often rave about. We have an annual assembly that takes place in late June. I attended nearly six years ago and remember how utterly thrilled I was to festoon myself with buttons and badges, attend workshops, purchase overpriced keepsakes, and meet like-minded folks from elsewhere in the country. I won't be attending this year, and should I do so in the future, now wonder if it would be as much of a feel-good experience as it was back then. It makes me sad to think, probably not. "Been-there, done-that" basically sums it up. 

Last month I signed on to drive four of our teens to a weekend retreat in a spectacularly scenic section of the Southeast. We had perfect weather and few, if any, real problems. But I was trying to recover from some interpersonal drama that took place the week before, and while it was really nice to just "get outa Dodge," I was unable to summon the innocent wonder that mountains, birds, trees, lovely silence, and a total change of scenery would normally have elicited. It was too easy to notice the shabby and cramped condition of our cabin, the chronic muscle aches in my leg, the somewhat disorganized scheduling of events, and the cliched quality of the activities. I mean, "kumalata-kumalata-kumalata-veesta" was vintage back in my camp days, back when Lyndon Johnson was president, and it felt more hackneyed than nostalgic to sit uncomfortably cross-legged on the ground, clapping and swaying to guitar and bongo music. It also pissed me off that I couldn't get decent cell reception the whole weekend - the kids were too busy to notice that inconvenience, but I wasn't.

This past weekend, I was encouraged to attend an event in Nashville - it was a one-day affair, so there was no need to worry about overnight accommodations. Two other people went along with me, and one of them did the driving. All in all, it was significantly more fun and less hassle than the weekend retreat. But again, there was that "We're-such-a special-buncha-people-let's-celebrate-ourselves" attitude on the part of the organizers that set all of our teeth on edge. Toward the end of the event, it started to feel like one of those "team-building" things that corporations do to squeeze a few months' worth of enthusiasm out of their sales staff. 

The three of us, thankfully, were of like mind, so in two areas, we made a decision that didn't really line up with what the leaders were hoping for. We refused to volunteer for their "steering committee" -- a notion that made all of us want to throw up a little. We even remarked as to how we like applause as much as anyone else (much "hootin' and hollerin" ensued anytime someone from a congregation agreed to be on the committee), but would forgo it in exchange for a bit of autonomy. They applauded anyway. Oh, well...

It was at the very end that the most memorable and significant moment occurred. There's a particular religious-type word that one of our trio does not like and has consistently refused to use. It shows up in a lot of group agreements, and it really, truly is not necessary. There are many other words that work just as well, but our denomination has just fallen in love with this word and uses it whenever the opportunity arises. It was mentioned in the agenda, and TK, the member who objected, told us on the way there that he wondered what kind of pushback he'd be getting when he argued against the use of the word. My friend J and I were well aware of this issue with him, and didn't have any particular opinion about it, or any plans in mind at the beginning. But by the time we got to the conclusion of things, when we already felt there was a little too much peer pressure in the air to be healthy, we were not too surprised when the leader of the event basically blew off TK and his objections. This, after she had introduced this pre-written group agreement and invited us to change any wording we didn't like. TK was civilized and quiet and didn't make a big fuss; he simply stated his opinions.  The leader condescended, showed a distinct lack of respect for his views, and proceeded to ignore him as she continued reading the document, and then invited everyone who had participated to come up and sign our names to it. 

Normally, I'm sure J and I would have been perfectly willing to sign, but in solidarity with TK, we decided in the space of a second to stay in our seats and decline to sign. And oh, boy, did we get the pressure from others when they realized what we were doing. 

It's been about three days now, and I still have that indescribable feeling of having made the right decision, to go against the herd, on principle. I keep thinking about how much peer pressure there was at the meeting. I love my denomination, but this is an example of the streak of dysfunction that exists within it.

I guess resisting peer pressure is one of those actions that inform the life of a true adult. 
It beats the hell out of singin' around the campfire with a phony smile pasted on your face.

Sunday, May 11, 2014

The Revolution was televised

by The Urban Blabbermouth
~
 Note -- The series, Analyze This, mentioning all the consumer products, brought Gil Scott-Heron's spoken word poem The Revolution will not be televised to my mind and as you can easily imagine,  the poem, in turn, brought thoughts about revolutions we see on TV.

 
This year, I have been watching awards shows on TV and I have seen some new behavior amongst the young ladies.  Miley Cyrus and her Wrecking Ball displaying for public view an open and aggressive female sexual behavior, and Queen Beyonce throwing in her parts too (pun intended) with her latest music video.  I have seen apparently hetero young women "tongue touching", the new high five, as they greet each other on stage on TV.  Here is my view of this behavior.

It's been ten years since the famous Janet Jackson wardrobe malfunction at the Super Bowl Football Championship on national TV.  There certainly was a lot of fuss about Janet's nip slip.  The FCC did an investigation, assessed fines on the TV network, and Congress held hearings.  I am guessing here but the phrase "slip-a-nip" arose out of that incident and became mainstream slang.  "Wardrobe malfunction" also arose out of that incident.  Now, we look back on Janet's slip-a-nip incident and wonder why the fuss? 

The fuss was another step in the sexual revolution.  The sexual revolution for men was about less work to get more sex.  For women, it was liberating.  Since the beginning of humanity, women have been tied to their reproductive cycles.  To state the obvious, women have monthly cycles and they get pregnant.  Their bodily functions caused women to develop a certain set of behaviors that is protective in nature.

Along comes science and medicine where women can now take a pill and stop their monthly cycles and prevent pregnancy.  Ironically, women now find themselves in the same situation as men, i.e., can indulge in all the sex they want without biological worries other than STDs.  Science had opened the door to a new set of sexual behaviors by women and women are still deciding on what their new behavior should be.

The new developments in sexual behavior is best seen among young celebrity women.  They have the invincibility of youth to go where they want and to worry less about society's acceptance.  As the young women create new patterns of sexual behavior, they try it out in very public places, like the award shows on TV,  to see if it works for them or maybe to push the public closer to accepting new modes of womanly behavior.

Watch the female entertainers at the awards show.  They, as entertainers, have a social license to stretch womanly behaviors and if they succeed, they become role models and proxies for the behavior of other women.  Eventually, accepted womanly sexual behavior will shift.   Keep an eye on your TV.  Who knows what else will show up on a red carpet interview at one of the awards show.

Yes siree, the sexual revolution was certainly televised.

Thursday, May 1, 2014

Analyze This, Part 6B-1: One purse on a strap, the other on 4 wheels

                                 

Note: Surely you're not new to this blog...you know I'm breaking down my consumer purchase habits. Right? No? Well, welcome to my world. Enjoy...

~
Now that we've established that people often let a lot of stuff accumulate in their purses and other bags, let's see what's accumulated in mine.

I've had the purse a long time. No brand name, or even a recollection of where it came from. It's medium small, a "slouch" style, in green faux leather, and it's usually roomy enough.

The wallet was acquired via Ebay; it's a Rolf's. A huge brown leather clutch with a checkbook, calculator, a pen loop, card slots and pockets galore. It's the kind of wallet your mom carried, and I love it.

I flirted with the Getting Things Done system for awhile, but found it too cumbersome. The only concept I adopted from it was something called a Ubiquitous Capture Tool. You're supposed to write down every thought or idea or to-do in your life and have them all in one place before you go on to the next phase of sorting them out to eventually act upon. I do use one small pocket weekly calendar for all my appointments and things to remember. It was a freebie from my company, made by Myron Manufacturing, which specializes in promotional items like this one. It has a notepad, a bookmark, maps and plenty of room for scribbles. It's just the right size and it will be great if I can get one every year.

I have a wide-tooth comb that I occasionally remember to use -- this will come as a shock to many who know me, and have become used to me looking like somebody shot me out of a cannon. I've had it for nearly eight years; it came from Avon and has a matching round brush that I still have ... somewhere.

Another freebie from my company, via the National Pen Company, is a clip-on strap. I attach it to one of the rings at the base of the purse strap, and to that is fastened both my door badge for work and a 1GB retractable flash drive from SanDisk. It comes in handy every so often.

My cellphone is about 4 years old. It's an LG Rumor 2 -- serviceable, though I'm really beginning to crave a smartphone -- and my carrier is Sprint.

Two makeup items: A tube of Cover Girl Wet Slicks gloss, not much color, but it tastes like peppermint, which comes in handy when I run out of breath mints. Feels tingly.  A tube of Maybelline Great Lash mascara. It's okay, but so far I have not been able to find a brand of mascara that doesn't end up smearing and making me look like the Raccoon from Hell by the end of the day. There's a small bottle of Walgreen's Lubricating Eye Drops, which I should use 2-3 times a day but it's more like 2-3 times a month. I wear eyeglasses but the frames are not designer. The case says Vision Source on it, and there's a TM after that, so I guess that's a brand name.

Pens! Ah, now we're getting to a subject I care about. There are two in my purse at the moment. Both retractable. One is a Foray, and the other is a Papermate Ink Joy. I really like the Ink Joy. It's the right length and writes very smoothly without skipping. I recommend it.

And that's all that's in my purse for now. I got rid of the receipts already.

I don't have any particular place where my purse always stays. Sometimes the kitchen counter, sometimes on a chair near a table near a window (usually with a jacket thrown over it in case a burglar is looking in the window, and they apparently do that a lot); sometimes on the couch.

[The living room! Forgot that part of the house. We have a Sharp CRT TV from 2002 and a Coby DVD player, and a coffee table we got from Rooms to Go from when we first got married. Oh, and a rocking chair from Lane and a Bissell bagless vacuum cleaner. That's it for brand names. Everything else is beat-up stuff from yard sales and relatives.]

OK, purse zipped,keys in hand, time to head out to the car.

Next time! Stay tuned.