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Play that Funky Music

Rudolph loved music. When he played his music in the town square, the villagers shouted jeers at him. The children laughed and made cruel fun of him. 

One day while brooding on his fate, Rudolph heard a storyteller: "Ulysses listened to the Sirens' song that lures men to them."

Eureka!

As fate decreed, Rudolph had a childhood friend, Zorba the Greek, who owned a fishing boat.

"Friend Zorba, you must take me to Siren Island. I will hear the Sirens' song and lure an audience to me. I will be famous."

"No! It is too dangerous."

"You must! Do as the myth tells us, tie me to the mast and seal up your ears with wax."

Zorba agreed. And so it was that they sailed to Siren Island. Rudolph, hearing the Sirens' song, swooned with pleasure, desiring to join them, straining at the ropes, cutting his flesh. After they sailed past the island, Zorba released his bloody friend.

In the town square, dressed…

Just a quick rant out of nowhere

I love Van Halen. I even like Sammy Hagar almost as much as David Lee Roth.

My favorite VH song of all time is "Panama." Some older guy once wrote a disgruntled letter to the band, complaining that all they ever produced were songs about sex, drugs and cars. David Lee Roth read this and reflected "You know, I've never written a song about a car! Maybe I should!" And "Panama" was born.

I reach down...between my legs...ease the seat back...

That's a good song. Cleverly written.

But then you get THIS:

How will I know when it's love? 
I can't tell you but it lasts forever.
How does it feel when it's love?
It's just something you feel together.

Wait -- WHAT?
Who wrote this dreck? An 11-year-old girl on the Dr. Phil Show? Sitting with her parents on the stage, as she tries to explain WHY she should be allowed to marry that nice 22-year-old guy down the block?
As the Good Doctor would say, "Honey, that dog won't hunt."

Love and Terror at the Goodwill Outlet

Here's a great psychological exercise. Look at this picture and make note of your reaction. Do you think Yech, what a disorganized mess! Used clothes with no order to them -- I'll bet they're dirty! Get me to a nice normal store with racks and hangers and outrageously jacked-up prices that have been "marked down!" The American Way of Retail for me, thank you very much!

Or, do you begin to salivate and imagine yourself plunging in, tossing one garment after another to the side until you find a viable candidate that you can either wear (after a good wash at home, of course), rehabilitate, re-gift to a family member, sell online, re-donate, or ultimately toss? If the latter is "you," then find the nearest Goodwill Outlet and get ready to ... acquire.

Girl Fantasy

by The Urban Blabbermouth
~
I am binge watching Lost Girl on Netflix.  It's a fantasy television show where the main character is a succubus.  A succubus is a demon who feeds on sexual energy.  You can imagine, with a premise like that, why this show was on TV for five years or so.  It's a light show, not much heavy drama or violence, but then I have only watched three episodes.

There are issues with Lost Girl.   Let's start with the obvious.  The succubus is a woman, not a man.  If the demon were a man, we would be uninterested in the show.  As we all know, men have that famous second brain that controls them.  It's just men being men to like, want, and actively pursue sex.  That's boring. 

There is a another reason that the succubus is a woman.  This implies that women who like, want, and actively pursues sex can only be demons.   I've got news for you, women have that second brain too.  It's just tiny compared to men's.  Maybe that's why …

I am what I eat

by The Urban Blabbermouth
~
I went to a lecture at my company's health fair.  Turns out that many illnesses you would not think of are really dietary problems.

The example given was diabetes as a dietary problem, not a malfunctioning organ problem.  The proof offered was that obese people with diabetes had the Lap Band surgery and the diabetes went away.  Losing weight helped, but it appears constricted eating was a bigger factor.  Doctors are mystified by this.  Me too.

I learned that people with diabetes have problems absorbing nutrients and minerals like magnesium.  Insufficient magnesium means poor blood sugar control, heart diseases, osteoporosis, and other equally serious ailments.  The lecturer pointed out doctors will give you medicines for diabetic related aliments, but they almost never think to adjust their patient's diet. 

The Fair had the usual medical folks, doctors and nurses, checking blood pressur…

Gone Shopping

by The Urban Blabbermouth
~
Dracula escorted his newly created undead aide into the store.

"...and you need to sleep in the daytime," he explained.

"But what are we doing here in Sleepy's Mattress store?" asked his aide. "I thought we slept in coffins."

"We are modern now," replied Dracula. "We use a mattress like anyone else. I tell you, after two hundred years of sleeping on rock and dirt, this is a joy. So much more comfortable and you don't have to haul it around from place to place."

"Amazing," said the aide.

"For a newbie like you, maybe you want to go traditional. Sleepy's has a Posturedic that will fit inside a coffin."

"What do you use?" asked the aide.

"I have a sleep-number bed. I love it. Mrs. Dracula can toss and turn and I don't feel it on my side."

"Now that you mention the ladies, I think I will skip the coffin. A moo…