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Emotional Resume

We have a recently divorced woman in my office.  Now, I have not spoken to her on this, but I think she is looking for someone to start up dating once again.  I can tell this because she used to be a hausfrau- plump and dressed in comfortable but dull clothes.  Now she is slim and fabulously fashionable.

I wonder how her first dates must go, much like job interview.  That of course means that here is a resume floating around somewhere.  What do you suppose appears on an Emotional Resume (not necessarily hers)?

Objective - Boyfriend with lots of money, Trophy Girlfriend , marriage, multiple friends with benefits. 

Experience - Married five times, had a boyfriend and a girlfriend at the same time,  many failed relationships over my adult life, runaway bride, stalking my Ex., Twenty Weddings and a Funeral.

Education - School of Broken Hearts, read a lot of self-help books,  binge-watched Maury Povich

Skills - Great in the bedroom, commitment avoidance, lying but can cook well, clingy…

An Elevated Life

by The Urban Blabbermouth
~
Here's a trivia question: what is the most pressed button in an elevator?  Answer:  the close door button.  Just about everyone who presses the close door button is impatient and will hit the button multiple times as if beating the button will convince the elevator doors to close faster.

That tells you something of how people behave in elevators.  Everyone who rides an elevator turns to face the door.  But, in riding the trains, a favored spot is standing by the train doors facing inwards.  I do this too but I could not tell you why. 

Notice that when two people get on the elevator, they almost always go to opposite sides.  Friends will do this too as if they don't know each other.

For those of us who work in the Cubicle Forest, elevators function as a private office.  With someone just on the other side of our cubicle walls, we hear everything said including intimate conversations.  Gives true mean…

Observing Crime

by The Urban Blabbermouth
~
The naked man lay face down on the bed as if sleeping on his stomach. The six knives sticking out its back gave it away: murder. 

“What do you see?” asked Sherlock Holmes.

“A puzzle,” replied Joan Watson. “Locked room and no disturbance to the body.”

“Use your nose, woman, and all is revealed,” said Holmes.

Watson sniffed and sniffed. “I smell some,” sniff “sulfur?”

“Surely now it is quite clear to one as dense as you how this crime was done.”

“Well… no.”

“Bah, sulfur is the body odor of a demon. A demon appeared over the sleeping body and slammed the knives into the back.”

“You have over-thought this, Holmes. The sulfur smell comes from the rotten eggs over by the kitchen sink.”

“Ahhh.” Holmes pondered a moment. “The demon showered before he came here.”

“And the lipstick on the pillow near the victim’s head?”

“Obvious Watson, a lady demon of course.”

“Why would a demon kill this man?” asked Watson.

Homes fell into deep thought. “He is naked, so there was phy…

Triangle Trucks

I was three years old, and in our house, the kitchen table was right up against the window to our front yard and the street beyond. So I'd sit there eating breakfast, and three days a week our local township would send the "garbage man" as we called him, around to pick up our trash. As I recall, we didn't even have to set the cans out -- galvanized aluminum, remember those? -- the collector would just trot up our short driveway, pick up the cans and haul them out to the truck. Seated at the table, I got to watch this routine frequently.

Garbage (waste disposal) trucks really haven't changed much since the early 1960s. They might operate more efficiently now, but to my layperson's eyes, they're the same. The "business end" isn't square or rectangular; it's not precisely a triangle, either. But what does a three-year-old know? It's got a rounded, curved outside edge.

Kind of like the edge of a slice of toast, when you cut it into quar…

A Change of Sex

How the world has changed, and so quickly too.  We have openly gay folks marrying, and now discussions of how transgender folk are to be accepted in society.  But the really huge change is sexual harassment.  Sex abuse includes everyone, straight, gay, transsexual, and any other self identity - I have heard of pan-sexual and CIS but I don't know who that represents.

This week, the list of famous men accused of sex harassment has grown. Some of the abuse occurred twenty or thirty years ago.  I did not realize it then but once the tales of priestly sex abuse came out, it was inevitable that the abuse in the rest of society would be revealed.

The response from many abusers has been in many cases to admit their guilt, to beg forgiveness, and to stand by for their punishments.  Others, most notably the politicians, deny any abuse.  What else can one expect of politicians who tend to say one thing while doing another.  

The President, the biggest politician there is, is guilt…

Question: Why? Answer: Fate!

[Note: No, this is not who we are. It's just what we look like, okay?]

This past weekend, I attended the wedding of a friend's daughter. My friend and I go back to 2nd grade. Our friendship has had its ups and downs but the ups have been longer and more numerous. In adulthood, we experienced one another's marriages, divorce, adventures in parenting, health scares and losses. And now, the next phase: Being an in-law.

My son and his wife were there. The very fact of our being  at this wedding came about under curious circumstances.