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Zombie Dinner Table

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Branding Yourself

At a company meeting, a colleague whom I did not know asked, "what do you do?" In that moment, I realized that this was probably the most asked branding question ever and I did not have an answer for him.

The What do you do? question is the first question asked when you meet new people.  At least here in America. I hear in other parts of the world it is impolite to ask but you just know they are thinking it. 

On the surface, the question appears work related. Not so!

Your answer to What do you do? establishes your place in the world. It tells a stranger your status relative to themselves. Are you more important than me? Higher paid than me? More accomplished than me? In that case, one of us must bow to the other and show the respect due a boss.

Since so much is riding on the question, What do you do?, you should always be prepare to give a magnificent answer. Let's take a test case.

Stranger: What do you do.
You: I am a High School teacher.
Yawn. boring. Let's try that aga…

Pink Eye

One morning, I was opening up my chicken store, when a fairy walked in. I could tell right away that she was addicted to chicken livers from her pink eye. You see, fairies get high on chicken livers and the iron turns their eyes pink. The really addicted fairies sprinkle turmeric on the livers. God only knows what turmeric does to them.

So this fairy sticks an Orc paw with six long dirty claws in my face and says, "gimme all your chicken livers."

Now I'm thinking, whadda I do? Chicken livers ain't worth fighting over but it's illegal to give any to fairies. A stupid law, cause it's legal to sell chicken livers to humans so how can you stop fairies from getting some?

I reach in the glass display under the counter and take out a large bowl. Well, the fairy sees the livers and goes wild. Her pink eyes double in size and she start shaking. she grabs a handful of the raw livers and gulps 'em down. I see this as my moment. I grab the Orc Paw from her and hit h…

Mall Traffic Jam

I am, once again, sitting in Nordstrom's Cafe, sipping fancy coffee and watching shoppers.  I am amazed how the flow of shoppers sort of organizes itself: People walk to the right following the rules of the road. But there are exceptions.

The worst of the mall blockers are people walking along who suddenly stop in the middle of the aisle to window shop, to look at some display, and thoughtlessly block the road.  The mall traffic jams up behind them trying to get past. Was the window display so interesting that they risk getting bumped in their behinds?   My solution to this hazard is to have white lines in front of the windows marking out people-parking spaces. 

I can see the moms with the Mack-truck baby carriages careening through the mall.  You would think that the moms would be more aware that their babies are blocking the road.  You would think that they would be aware of the danger that they put their kids in.   The moms have been doing this all…

Keyboard Romance

It was accidental.  He ran into her in front of Macy's Department store on 34th Street.  He was entering as she was leaving.  After a second of silence and hesitation, she hugs him.  They stare at each other.

He says, "ahhh..."
She says, "hmmm..."
He says, "ahamm..."

She reaches into her handbag and retrieves her Iphone and texts, “Hello”
His Iphone chimes.  He retrieves his phone from his waist holder. It’s a text, “Hello”
He texts back, “hi”
Her cell phone dings, a text, “hi”
He sends another text, “whatcha doing?”
She texts, "Valentine shopping for hubby.  Can’t find anything interesting.”
“Get him something he wouldn't get himself”
“Like what?”
“What's he like?”
"He's like you"
"But not as handsome and sexy as me."
She smiles at her screen and texts, "You would have made a great husband."
He smiles at his screen and texts, "Another time, another place.…

Princess marries a Frog

As spiteful witches go, Gingema, Wicked Witch of the East, was worse than worst. But, despite her evil ways, Gingema fell in love with a prince. It is written, somewhere, that a prince can only marry a princess. Since Gingema could not have the handsome Prince Edward for herself, she resolved that no other woman could have him either. Gingema cast her most evil spell ever and changed Prince Edward into a frog. The Prince as frog could do naught but to hop to the pond and join the other frogs living there.

As princes go, Edward was very friendly. The frogs of the pond liked him and invited him to stay with them. There was one lady frog, we shall name her Camille, who caught Edward’s eye. Edward caught her eye also and she smiled at him. Soon they were betrothed.

For a lady frog, Camille was beautiful. She caught the eye of many frogs in the pond. But there was one -- call him Greeny for he was a meany -- who was jealous that Camille loved Edward. Greeny resolved to take action.


Here's how it works, Dad...

Today I was watching a rerun of an old reality series called Supernanny. A very experienced English Nanny named Jo Frost receives DVDs from families in the US, showing the parenting difficulties they're having and asking for help. Jo travels to their home, observes the family dynamics, demonstrates her techniques for helping kids get in line, goes away for a short while while the cameras continue filming, then comes back, and fine-tunes her advice to the family. At the end of the hour, which is a couple of weeks in real time, everything is back in balance and harmony. It's definitely a formula type show, but still interesting to watch what goes on in some homes.
In the episode I watched today, the wife had three children, all elementary school age, one with a pretty severe case of ADHD (attention deficit hyperactivity disorder), and she was also pregnant. Her husband worked as a postal carrier. He came home from work every day, gave a casual