Skip to main content

You Can't Handle the Truth

                                             

This is a guest post by The Urban Blabbermouth. Comments are welcome!
~
I saw a commercial on TV where a cell phone was hooked up to  a stethoscope.  Amazing possibilities.   Your cell phone with the proper apps can now do medical things.  For example, your doctor can hook up an EKG monitoring device to you with a cell phone app.  At some point, maybe every five minutes, the medical data is sent to your doctor.   If the doctor sees something questionable, he calls you immediately.  It's like being in the hospital but you can still go about your regular daily activities.

Let's expand the use of this cell phone medical technology.   Let's install a lie detector app in your cell phone to monitor you.  Every time you speak, some light on your cell phone turns green If you are telling the truth or red if you are lying.  Imagine what that would do to dating where lots of lying goes on.  Not lying for evil purposes, mind you, but lying to make ourselves look more attractive to our date. How do you respond to, "Are you having a good time?" or to, "Yes, you have lost weight!"   What of the poetic lying of dating?  "I love you like the morning flower..."
You don't have to actually say anything but your thoughts will cause the lie detector app to flash on.   Your date tries to kiss you, you smile, but your thought is, "I would rather be dead."  BING, BING, the cell phone lie detector app starts to flash red!   More secret thoughts: "I love you madly and want to have your children although this is only our first date!"  and "Wham, Bam, thank you Ma'am."  BING, BING, more red flashes.

So, no more little white lies that keep us together and ease awkward situations.  Are we then forced to tell the truth?  "Yes, I only want to get into your pants and will never call you again."  A green flash. "Ahh, ... size does not matter."  I leave it to the lie detector app to figure out that one.

We are human so we do funny human things like lie to ourselves.  If I lie to myself, well, I want you to lie to me too!  We, quite rightly, will get upset if you start telling us the truth.  Try this: I want to know that you are lying to me but I do not want you to know that I am lying to you.

Never mind.  I can see that if a cell phone lie detector app were available, we would not want it.  It is too anti-human.


Comments

Van Goggins said…
But doesn't that take all the mystery out of life and make us all a little more brain dead?
The Urban Blabbermouth said…
Life is boring without mystery.
Sometimes our emotions gets the better of us so some help may not be so bad. Today, we ask our friends, tomorrow we ask our cell phones. That's weird. Someone will come up with a cell phone lie detector jamming app.

Popular posts from this blog

A Subway Journey Home

by The Urban Blabbermouth. Comments are welcome! ~ There is a ritual to theNew York City subway system. Once there, you lose your humanity.  You are transformed into a savage, brutal and selfish automaton.  Savage in that you push and shove other riders out of your way to get into the subway car.  Brutal in that you never excuse yourself for any atrocities that you commit to get in the subway car.  Selfish in that you never give up your seat to anyone, no matter how crippled or old or pregnant they are.  Automaton in that you never look at any one else as a human being.

Now there are certain strategies that you can employ to be a successful subway rider.  You can stand by the door and obstruct the way just to be selfish and ornery.  That strategy is designed to increase your standing with your fellow passengers by impressing them with how vicious you can be pushing back at people trying to push into the car.  Whenever I see this strategy employed, I immediately piggy back on it.  I move …

Gone Shopping

by The Urban Blabbermouth
~
Dracula escorted his newly created undead aide into the store.

"...and you need to sleep in the daytime," he explained.

"But what are we doing here in Sleepy's Mattress store?" asked his aide. "I thought we slept in coffins."

"We are modern now," replied Dracula. "We use a mattress like anyone else. I tell you, after two hundred years of sleeping on rock and dirt, this is a joy. So much more comfortable and you don't have to haul it around from place to place."

"Amazing," said the aide.

"For a newbie like you, maybe you want to go traditional. Sleepy's has a Posturedic that will fit inside a coffin."

"What do you use?" asked the aide.

"I have a sleep-number bed. I love it. Mrs. Dracula can toss and turn and I don't feel it on my side."

"Now that you mention the ladies, I think I will skip the coffin. A moo…

I Swear!

by Vol-E

I've lived in the south for over 30 years. Having grown up as a New Yorker, there were some changes to get used to once I crossed the Mason-Dixon line.

Language was a big one. My parents were well-behaved in public, but behind the closed doors of our home, they taught me all kinds of interesting vocabulary words, as they took their everyday frustrations out on one another. "Jerk" and "bastard" were two of the earliest ones, but by the time I was about eight, I knew pretty much every one of George Carlin's pet no-nos.

It was only in college that I met people who were outspokenly offended by swear words. The ones that raised eyebrows initially were related to religion. I began to think twice about using "hell" and "damn," and was politely informed one day that "God's last name is not 'dammit.'" So I gradually began censoring myself a bit, which was probably a good thing, once I joined the work force. Macy…