Friday, October 11, 2013

Tug of War


This is a guest post by The Urban Blabbermouth. Comments are welcome!
Seems to me that women are always tugging at something. The most troublesome are skirts.  Somehow, the women fit into the smallest one possible.   The most troublesome behavior occurs when traversing stairs in a short skirt.  The skirts ride up.  Two steps up, hem rides up followed by hem tug down.  Another two steps up, hem rides up followed by another hem tug down; this sequence of events continuing until she gets to the top of the stairs.  Invariably a lot of hem tugging and pulling by the woman to keep the skirt down. 

I appreciate women in short skirts as much as the next guy but sometimes it makes no sense to me that women wear one.  Make a better choice if you know that stairs are in your pathway.   The engineer in me wonders if it the skirt rides up differently if you are going up the stairs and as opposed to down the stairs.  One day, I will have to hook up a GPS to a skirt to track the  movements.  Maybe the solution to riding up is to put on an even tighter skirt, one so tight that the skirt holds in place and does not move.  In days of old, we used to call that kind of skirt, a girdle.

There is a lot of tugging antics going on when women are sitting while wearing a short skirts but I will pass on that for now.

Women also like long tight skirts.  Long tight skirts do not seem as troublesome as the short kind.  The long skirts leave little room to walk.  It is curious to see a woman walk in one. They take those funny itty bitty little steps just like the people in a sack race at a picnic.  A silly way to walk.  Stairs are impossible in a long skirt.  As you might expect, long skirts have the opposite problem from short skirts.  Long skirts do not ride up instead the women have to tug the hem up so they can get up stairs.

If it’s not a tight skirt, it is a loose one.  I have seen women in large loose above-the-knee skirts tug the hem as they walk since the wind likes to blow the skirts upwards.  A famous Marilyn Monroe movie scene. 

Blouses are not immune.   Lots of tugging going on at neck lines.  Women wear blouses that ride down.  The French have a really great word for this – D├ęcolletage Come to think of it, I have never seen a blouse that rides up.  Does that happen? Then there is the lean over problem known as the Down Blouse Peek.  No further description needed on that pleasing problem.  

Young girls have it the hardest. They are slaves to fashion. They combine the worse skirt selection with the worse blouse selection just to look cute.  I saw a young lady wearing what can best be described as a Tube Dress.  Looked real cutesy. As she walked, the hem line rode up and she would tug it down.  That caused the neck line to ride down.  So she tugged the neck line up. Well, that caused the hem line to ride up which cause the neck line to … back and forth, back and forth.
I suppose that all this fashionable tugging is only practice for women's real work of tugging at men's heartstrings.