by The Urban Blabbermouth
Disclaimer: This is not a real smartphone app -- yet. But if it should ever hit the market, you heard about it here first, and Your Faithful Correspondent gets the credit and the bucks!
How long did it take you to get to first base? Second base? How many home runs do you have? Now track your intimate relations performance with a new app, MoneyKiss
Yes, our society measures athletic prowess, ranks colleges, and creates lists of the world's top ten beautiful people. Thanks to MoneyKiss, we can now add your performance in intimate relations.
We have taken the statistical and mathematical evaluation methods developed in Baseball and explained so well by Brad Pitt in the movie MoneyBall, and brought you MoneyKiss to track your performance between the sheets.
Thanks to smartphones, you and your date can easily enter your performance into MoneyKiss. You no longer have to spend the rest of your life wondering how good you are. Learn how you compare to all the men in your town. You will be ranked with the local men, and if you desire it, you can get a world wide ranking too.
A special feature of MoneyKiss for men is that you can enter your date's identity and you can compare your performance to the other men she dated in the past.
Women have their special features too. Just enter your date's identity and you will immediately learn if he has the "package" you want. See his performance ranking from his previous dates. Weed out the duds. No more trial and error.
MoneyKiss is revolutionary.
Here are some of the MoneyKiss performance indicators:
- AT -- At Bat. The number of time you were at bat or the count of your attempts to get to first base.
- BL -- usually has an asterisk to indicate the use of the "Little Blue Pills"
- GL -- Girth Length ratio. There is an old saying, " long d**k is not big d**k." The girth matters too. The closer to your number "1" the better.
- KAT -- Kiss And Tell measures how many time you have been caught kissing and telling
- OKI -- Orgasm Knocked In. How many times you deliver the big O in one night's match
- OO -- Oscar not orgasm. Tells how good you are at faking your performance
- RO -- The Romantic Operator indicates your overall performance ability to show a girl a good time.
- HP -- Horsepower, your running power. In short, how long can you last
- SPM -- Strokes per Minute. The strokes or hip thrusts per minute.
- $$$ -- Measure of the "fat" of your wallet. Some think that this is a superior size indicator than the GL.