Sunday, March 23, 2014

Analyze This, Part 5: Mirror, Mirror

                                       

[For anyone who may have unwittingly stumbled onto this blog and is wondering what this vanity-run-amok is about, I'm responding to a book called The Numerati, by Stephen Baker, who claims that market researchers have found a way to comb through every blog there is in a matter of seconds, to cull out any references to products and determine consumer preferences. Like Dr. Emmett Brown putting on his bullet-proof vest, I figured, what the hell. In the last few posts, I've gotten out of bed, made breakfast, picked out my clothes and showered. Onward...]
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OK, I'm reasonably clean, so time to get out of the tub. My hairdryer is a ConAir 1875 watt, with a retractable cord and a fold-up handle. It replaced a Revlon dryer that exploded on me in January and left a scar. That one was ionic, and I miss how fast it worked. However, this new one is acceptable. As I finish drying, I apply some Garnier Fructis Style “Sleek & shine Blow Dry Perfector Straightening Balm with argan oil," which claims to provide three days of “frizz resistance.” Maybe sí, maybe no, but I feel almost compelled to put something in my hair for styling. I ran out of mousse and gel; one of these days I'll splurge and get some more, but this will do for now. I also have a new can of Vidal Sassoon hairspray. Extra firm hold, level 4.

There's no order to my morning routine. Sometimes I reach for the hairdryer right away; other days it's the last thing I take care of. More often than not, though, my first after-shower product is deodorant. I'm currently using something called Crystal Essence roll-on, containing none of that pesky aluminum. It's a light lavender scent; it will do. I also have a years-old container of Lady Speed Stick, which I use during the summer, if I should wear sandals over bare feet. I never do that at work. I'm a little too much in need of a pedicure.

I use scent occasionally. There's a spray bottle of Chantilly, and a smaller bottle of 4711 cologne. Both are fragrances that people either love or loathe. Nowadays, a lot of people have allergy issues, so I'm very conservative with perfumes. Typically, spray goes into the air and I walk through it, or I'll dab it behind the knees, since scent rises. This way I don't have to worry about perspiring or anything. For special occasions I have a leftover bottle of body lotion from Yves Rocher, in a now-defunct scent called Neonatura. It blended chocolate, vanilla and patchouli and I really liked it.

My fingernails are nothing to brag about, either. I'm a veteran biter of nails and cuticles and have never, ever, been able to stop. All it takes is 15 absent-minded seconds between my teeth (usually while reading), and it's bye-bye salon look, hello Godzilla. I have a big bottle of Salon Formula 100% Acetone nail polish remover from Family Dollar; it's easy on & off with Rite Aid Renewal Cotton Balls (regular size).