Saturday, May 31, 2014

Used Marriages for Sale

                     

by The Urban Blabbermouth
~
I heard a commentator on TV say that the divorce rate is falling.  Here are his reasons:
  • Fewer people are marrying so less people to divorce. 
  • People are marrying at the end of their twenties rather than the start of their twenties.  The result is that a more mature person makes better decision in choice of a partner. 
  • People are living together as couples then marrying later.   This trial period does eliminate lots of bad choices of partners.
I have a simple solution to the divorce problem.  Are are you ready for it? Have marriages expire every five years.  You will be able to trade in your spouse every five years.  Sounds more like a Used Car commercial. "Marriage turned into a lemon? TRADE UP, not down!  Trade in and GET the latest model!  Great new  features to choose from:  wisdom, maturity, compatibility, same interests, more sex, better looking, and... you can even pick the color and the gender of your new spouse!"

If it sounds absurd to you,  think about it.  How different is that from today, where we marry, divorce, marry, divorce again, marry again.  Throw in a pre-nup agreement and we already have a predetermined end to the marriage.  All that is missing is an expiration date. Your state issues driver's licenses which have to be renewed.  Well, your state also issues marriage licenses.  I have no idea why the state is in the middle of marriages but as they are, they can expire it if they want.  BTW, your state does issue divorces, too should you want one. See my note on Divorce Equality for All.

I can hear you saying, "What happens to the children?" True, if there are children, there are problems.  There are already problems with children in divorces.  No change here.  I will yield and throw in a caveat to satisfy those worried about children -- the marriage will expire ten years from the birth of the youngest child.  I do not like this caveat because it will lead one person in the marriage to keep having babies to extend the marriage.

A five-year marriage expiration date takes the guesswork out of your marital bliss.  Since you know when your marriage will expire, you can plan for the change by hiding assets, or by starting a new relationship so you have a new spouse ready on expiration.  If you like your spouse, you can always renew. Think how much nicer you would have be to your spouse if you wanted to keep them.  Your spouse would have to be nicer to you too. Good benefits all around.

To renew or not to renew, that's the question.