Skip to main content

Spy School

by The Urban Blabbermouth
A new course must be added to the High School curriculum, Spy Craft.

Every day we are spied upon.  It begins with our computers.  The internet tracks us, what web site we visit, how long we stay, what we do there.  I often visit Macy’s web site to see the sales of the day. On the next ten web sites I visit, I will see adds target to me for Macy’s menswear.  My cell phone spies on me. The GPS tracks me like a cat stalking a mouse.  Coupled to Google Earth, somebody knows where I am and what I am doing.

Cities are spying on you too.  It began easily with toll tags.  Now they watch you all the time.  The City of Baltimore has drones watching the streets 24/7.  When a crime occurs, the police “go to the video tape” for suspects. Your neighbors are spying on you too.  There was a break-in at a home down the block from me.  The police knocked on my door, not to find out if I saw anything, but to ask if the cameras of my home security system recorded the robbery.

We need a Spy Craft course in the High School because we do not know how to defend ourselves from these intrusions.  Worse, some of us have no idea we are spied upon.  It’s not the police or the government you have to worry about.  It’s your husband looking for where you spent “our” money, your girlfriend looking for your new girlfriend, your boss looking to get rid of you, or your nosy neighbor looking for gossip.

I can see a time when we are all a community of Jason Bournes, with six internet IDs rather than six passports or always aware of where the cameras are and walking in a zig-zag pattern to avoid them.


Popular posts from this blog

A Subway Journey Home

by The Urban Blabbermouth. Comments are welcome! ~ There is a ritual to theNew York City subway system. Once there, you lose your humanity.  You are transformed into a savage, brutal and selfish automaton.  Savage in that you push and shove other riders out of your way to get into the subway car.  Brutal in that you never excuse yourself for any atrocities that you commit to get in the subway car.  Selfish in that you never give up your seat to anyone, no matter how crippled or old or pregnant they are.  Automaton in that you never look at any one else as a human being.

Now there are certain strategies that you can employ to be a successful subway rider.  You can stand by the door and obstruct the way just to be selfish and ornery.  That strategy is designed to increase your standing with your fellow passengers by impressing them with how vicious you can be pushing back at people trying to push into the car.  Whenever I see this strategy employed, I immediately piggy back on it.  I move …

Gone Shopping

by The Urban Blabbermouth
Dracula escorted his newly created undead aide into the store.

"...and you need to sleep in the daytime," he explained.

"But what are we doing here in Sleepy's Mattress store?" asked his aide. "I thought we slept in coffins."

"We are modern now," replied Dracula. "We use a mattress like anyone else. I tell you, after two hundred years of sleeping on rock and dirt, this is a joy. So much more comfortable and you don't have to haul it around from place to place."

"Amazing," said the aide.

"For a newbie like you, maybe you want to go traditional. Sleepy's has a Posturedic that will fit inside a coffin."

"What do you use?" asked the aide.

"I have a sleep-number bed. I love it. Mrs. Dracula can toss and turn and I don't feel it on my side."

"Now that you mention the ladies, I think I will skip the coffin. A moo…

I Swear!

by Vol-E

I've lived in the south for over 30 years. Having grown up as a New Yorker, there were some changes to get used to once I crossed the Mason-Dixon line.

Language was a big one. My parents were well-behaved in public, but behind the closed doors of our home, they taught me all kinds of interesting vocabulary words, as they took their everyday frustrations out on one another. "Jerk" and "bastard" were two of the earliest ones, but by the time I was about eight, I knew pretty much every one of George Carlin's pet no-nos.

It was only in college that I met people who were outspokenly offended by swear words. The ones that raised eyebrows initially were related to religion. I began to think twice about using "hell" and "damn," and was politely informed one day that "God's last name is not 'dammit.'" So I gradually began censoring myself a bit, which was probably a good thing, once I joined the work force. Macy…