Skip to main content

Coffee - It's a Real Thing

         Image result for coffee anger fast food

by Vol-E

Time for a rant!*

Listen up, all you young whippersnappers who work in the fast food industry. I know they don't pay you nearly enough, but in the near future, when you go on to much bigger and better things, you will quickly learn to adapt to your workplace, in hopes of attaining advancement, by learning everything you can about your industry and your customers.

You already know this. So why not start right now?

As a customer, I don't care how old you are, what religion you are, or what your personal aesthetics are. If you serve coffee, please have some respect for the customers who come into your establishment and ask for it.

Here are some coffee basics:

1. Timing is Everything
Learn to tell, by taste and smell, when coffee has begun the biological process of turning into toxic waste. When it reaches that stage, IT'S TIME TO DUMP IT OUT AND CLEAN THE COFFEE MAKER. Scrub the inside of it every now and then. Just for the sake of good karma. Please. Keep that internal clock in your head, so that if you come in at 7:00 a.m. and make coffee, you'll know that before the lunch rush starts (10:30 or so), it would be a good idea to freshen things up in Coffeeland.

That's the first thing.

2. Here's what "Coffee-and" means
Feel free to take the initiative of asking the customer ahead of time if they want sugar, sweetener, and/or creamer for their coffee.  You don't have to personally add any of these items. Most customers are perfectly content to take care of that themselves. But -- you must make these items available, either at the station where the napkins and straws are, or behind the counter. You should know what the customer means when they say "sweetener" or "creamer." These are not exotic items. Sweetener is not creamer and creamer is not sweetener. Some creamers are flavored, like French Vanilla, but the average fast-food customer knows how unlikely it is to find these things at your establishment. Finding half-and-half instead of artificial, chemically based creamer is enough of a rarity to make the average coffee-drinking customer think they've had a religious experience. Also, there really, truly is a reason why so many customers ask specifically for so many different types of sweeteners: sugar, Sweet-n-Low [PINK packets], Equal [BLUE packets] or Splenda [YELLOW packets]. No, they are NOT all the same. Equal, in particular, contains a substance that can cause severe medical problems for a certain segment of the population, so if someone asks specifically for Splenda or Sweet-n-Low, they are not just being a prima donna. Diabetics often have to make careful choices between sweeteners. Some of them contain sugar derivatives. If you don't have one particular type, just say so. It's okay. But don't assume they're all the same and give a customer Equal when they ask for Splenda. I guarantee, you have someone in your family for whom it makes a difference what type of sweetener they get, so just imagine your dearly beloved is being served at some establishment -- what would you expect them to do?

I know it's not Starbucks -- if it were, you'd be kicked to the curb if you dared try to serve the kind of dreck you get away with on a daily basis. But it's still your job. Learn about coffee. Make the world a calmer place.

3. One final bit of advice
Make eye contact and stop mumbling!

On behalf of beleaguered fast-food customers everywhere, I thank you.

*based on a visit to Burger King this morning, in case you were wondering.


Fast food coffee has always been bad although they have adds (The Big Lie) that says otherwise.

At work, we have Horrible Lobby Coffee.

It is a mystery to me why in a coffee culture it's so hard to find a good cup unless you are paying twice the price at Starbucks.

Popular posts from this blog

Memoir - The Year of Kent State

by The Urban Blabbermouth
I wanted to write a fictional memoir and it got away from me. 

I was born in the Year of Kent State. I didn't know. I was watching a cable channel specializing in historical programs, in this case, newsworthy events from the 1970s. The Ohio National Guard shot 13 unarmed students protesting the Vietnam War on the Kent State University campus. Four students died. By the time I was aware of a bigger world than my own, Kent State passed into history.

Im gonna git u Sukkah

by The Urban Blabbermouth [who may or may not be shown in the photo above... - v-E] ~ True story. I am walking to my car and I notice a couple of Jewish fellows, twenty somethings, with the bouquets of what looks like bamboo or palm. I know they are Jewish for they look Hasidic. They are wearing long black jackets, wide brim black fedora hats, and have curly sideburns. In truth, I classify all Jewish who dress like this as Hasidic although they may identify themselves differently. They are standing near the corner canvassing passersby.

American Lottery

by The Urban Blabbermouth
America elected a Black man as President of the Unites States. Twice!  Black people did not do this.  If all the black people voted for Barack Obama, he would only get 13 percent of the vote.  Throw in the Hispanics, the brown ones, not the white ones, and the vote would bloom to 21 percent. Not enough.  So it was the white Americans who elected Barack Obama. 

It is slowly becoming clearer why they would do that instead of electing the other white guy who ran against Barack Obama.  Obama stood for change.  His campaign slogan was "Change we can believe in" and "Yes We Can".  The white people wanted him to change America to bring back their good old days. 

There is a trend here starting with Barack Obama, the election of an improbable candidate, a black man, by white people in a unresolved racially divided America, who spoke of hope, change and an improved America ... to …